sorry

sorry sorry. i have been busy. busy busy beeeee ;) no pun intended. but its been busy. and i should be studying...but im taking a break.

ive been sooo tired these days. i slept in, looked tired, couldnt stay away, used cucumbers, and drank tea to stay awake. and bcause of my grumpiness, my tiredness and stress, it hasnt made a very good week. so much has been happening that one blink and a totally different scene appears. maybe because every time i blink i want to go to sleep. i have been feelings waves of sadness and happiness. in order to keep up the happiness, i have asked mel for songs. and that song keeps me smiling. thank you mel. glee also makes me smile, but also makes me cry.

on the topic of songs, i have much faith in the new singing group. it seems serious and good. but who knows? im just glad to do sth to keep my mind wandering. :)

fruit tingles! and gobstoppers! and lifesavers! and chuppa chups! and hubba bubba! makes my head light! haha. ning and i went to the shops. and im so glad i bought lollies. =D though its kinda making me go on a slight high. ooh ooh! drama eisteddford! congratualations ruby! and ning you did well. :)

the past...is a weird thing. you think its THE PAST but it comes back...to haunt you. nah jking. but i know joe said that if he could change one thing, what would it be? and he said nothing. i may be wrong...but i want to change sth in life. but if i changed it...would it change everything else? weird. and intersting. and deep.

haha. id better finish history. ppl await my notes.

love kyexx

ps. dont you just hate secrets

ehehe....

haha i feel sooo guilty. procrastinating....haha. and i just realised that high school has really taught me a lot...including fabricating info.and i notice im doing sooo much fabricating. just add a few words here and there to get marks. :( not good. must fix habit.

the thing is, ive tried to show you that ive listened. but all my plans backfire on me. ==" lovely. its like making a pie for 3 hrs and when you take it out, youve forgotten youve put a bomb in it and it explodes all over you. ruined. ok that was THE worst example i couldve used. but it makes sense. ~ahem~ anyways. ill try again. but...i listened by doing what you said. and i know. everyone could have left me. but you didnt. and i have thanked everyone before. but showing my thanks is the hardest bit for me. not the actually climbing. right now, if you have an insight of my world, its in tangles and knots, not because of this whole....triangle, but because of...well...friendships. its like spaghetti and though i do not want to eat it, its still messy. im trying to show my thanks by helping this time, but is it for teh better or for the worse?

ach! id better go. and run.

oh crap. ==" run rabbit run rabbit run run run

love kyexx

down

down down down down down.

now ive got that stuck in my head.

haha i failed my er quote. wow. i honestly think that i need to keep promises more thoroughly. but in truth, assignments, tests, headaches, lack of sleep, fights, shouting mixed with drama just isnt the best combo.

so im so sorry that ive failed. and i will try to keep happy. being sad just isnt sth i like. but its hard after i have failed for 3 years. so will you forgive me this time?

oh i have been so damn busy, its not funny. its kinda hard to cope with pressure.

oh just a few anon messages (though most wont read or understand)

i know you guys haha or girls really hate my guts. or are just trying to get me to listen. did you really think that i wouldnt listen? i beg to differ. i know the first time i didnt. and it was oh so big a mistake. but honestly, i am not doing the same thing again. i am more concerned for you guys (and even more concerned now!). i dont know what to do. i think it might be another test. but i dont know. im using a new page now. and though i dont get the poem, i do get what youre trying to say. or unless...theres sth else?

im trying to help you. but sometimes, its so awkward. and the person we talk about, well...lets just say that its hard. you know it too. i will advise, i will be a doctor. but in the end its up to you. and only you. you know, i also had a time that i didnt know what to do? you knwo it too. i was stuck. but i listened to so much advice. the best one for me came from my friends. and yes friends. but the right one for you, can only be chosen by you.

and....i know im bad at drama. but i will win! i hope...

anyways. id better get back to study
smiling after a stressing friday afternoon

love kyexx

changes

as sumii said, everyones blog died, including mine. shocking. ive just been so busy. so many tests and assignments. i found some breathing time, and so im using it on my blogging.

ive changed my profile pic. lana skye! i know i dont play ace attorney, but still. lana.

ive also changed my layout, credits to ruby =D. thank you. i like it, even though its purple. hmm...i might play around with it.

as many people have said, i have been very depressing in my blogs. sorry i broke my promise. so im reviving it. into a happy mode. haha i brought a box...and yes a box of mentos today. =D im glad to see diana go on a high. though the world isnt always happy, trying to make it happy is a mission some have to take. haha. i ate too many mentos' and too much lindt chocolate that it gave me a headache, so im trying to go for healthy alternatives. try as i may, i fail many times. haha. i always seem to be craving for chocolate. i dont know what my body wants from the chocolate thats so important.

i read sth...you know quotes..

as we grow up, we learn that even the one person that wasn't supposed to ever let you down probably will. you will have your heart broken probably more than once and its harder every time. youll break hearts too. so remember how it felt when yours was broken. youll fight with your best friend. youll blame a new love for things an old one did. youll cry because time is passing so fast,and youll everntually lose someone you love. so take too many pictures, laugh too much, and love like youve never been hurt before. because every sixty seconds you spend upset is a minute of happiness youll never get back.

ok yes. you mightve seen this before. but it expresses so much. in just...er...a few (maybe not) sentences. im dedicating this to my friends (especially some) and myself. and i am not trying to say sth, or suggesting.

i like this quote. but i dont know whether to believe it. i hope i can though. its so real for me. haha. (now im rambling).

im deciding to try and notice i say try to be happy, to take LOTS OF photos, to laugh A LOT and to LOVE LIKE IVE NEVER BEEN HURT! and i say try, because i break so many promises...(im so sorry)

anyways. big day tomorrow. carnival and skating.

so ciao!

gl in exams and assignments!

love kyexx

thoughts

ive been thinking alot. and ive come up with this idea...

and yes its getting weirder. im sorry. but...

her arms ached from the pushups she did the other day. her arms seemed to be pulled by thin strings. she felt useless, tired. she closed her eyes and thought about everything. too much. she wanted to stand up. dance around and push her energy into it. she wanted to spread out everything and sort it into neat files like her school work. she couldnt. and it pained and ached, like a fire that couldnt be put out. too much had been happening. she couldnt believe it. she had everything set out, like a map, and then it was drawn on, scrunched up, ruined, by her own hands. she wanted to sleep and never wake up again.

she glanced at the 2 convos, switching from one to another. she had deliberated asking, but she needed to know, needed to find out. the other issue wasnt as important. and anyways, it was forbidden. she couldnt tell the person yet. kept inside, hidden from view. she stayed immobile. her mind flew ahead. a plan. excellent.

rant

small rant

i misunderstood you so much. i let myself become blind. ive treated you so cruelly. and im so sorry. i shouldnt have done what i did. we have apologised, we agree and are on the same track, but im still extremely sorry. yes i think of you as somewhat of a friend. and no i dont say it coldly. i know you wont read this but i have to let it out. tysm for the time.

ok.

kyexx

tvb dramas

omg! so obssessed with tvb dramas! i feel so emotional afterwards! man....i love them. i wish they could make more seasons and episodes. =D

kyexx

mothers day

before i start, i would like to say: HAPPY MOTHERS DAY. still not too late. i love you so much mum! without you i couldnt have gotten so far with life! TYSM! happy mothers day!

ok back to blog. argh! so much damn hwk. i know i know (hehe) im keeping it cool. i can do this...but honestly, theres so much. D: i was typing it for my friends, and my hands ached...sth like writers cramp...um....typers cramp? iunno.

tackling one at a time. shakespeare. i dont get it. i have to learn shaekspearean in order to understand the text. man..its like studying a totally different language! argh...but i do like creative writing drama. improving my writing skills (Y). i hope shakespeare is as fun this year as it was last year. i really enjoyed it. =D

i just realised autumn doesnt suit me too well. the days change so much. cold, warm, cool, freezing. in a day i change my clothes about 2 to 3 times. not inculding school and pjs. i like winter and summer. its weird. usually your favourite season is the one you were born in. or so they say. =D iunno. its one of those sayings.

hmm...
very short blog today.....an idea..

bending over she could almost smell the scent. rich dark. and addictive. she breathed in before settng the paper down. here you go. she set the paper down, took one last whiff of the scent, then turned her heel and left.

ok a little random today. but anyways. work time.

bye
love kyexx

ramble ramble ramble

haha. i should be doing hwk. just relaxing my hand muscles and brains and every part of my body before i start. hmm...ill ramble and ramble today. =D

i find joe's classes really really good. good does not cover it. but i learn a lot in his classes. like today. i havent really thought about myself and how i think about myself. but ive actually looked inside myself and thought about myself. a better insight to myself. (wow. this is going to be a deep ramble today.) i have only thought to improve my upper levels, when really, there are so many different levels to a person. going deeper and deeper...thats my plan. go deep into my soul...

which reminds me. i have so many phobias. im so paranoid. ruby and jo have thoroughly enjoyed watching me cower in terror while watching horrible movies and clips. i like highschool, only i didnt sign up for this D:

argh! i cant write anything...writers block.

oh yes. when i said sexy black stockings, i didnt really on me. stockings generally are worn to keep warm. i only wrote sexy black stockings because i couldnt think of anything. i could have written warm black stockings, but it sounds a little weird doesnt it? i dont think about my looks. i think about my inside. so please please please stop perstering me about it. as many saw today, i put a 5 for my looks in joes class, not cause its modest, but because its truth.

ok im so sorry.i dont know why, but im in a slightly pissy mood. dont mind me.

i cry at the thought of your smile. i panic at the thought of telling you. i think about you day and night. youre my obssession, my drug. want to say, yet am bound from telling. despairing...

ahahahaha very foolish of me. just some creativity.

anyways. have a pile of hwk. must get going.

love kyexx

im a new person!

i feel as if im a different person now. its weird. over the past few days...or weeks, ive been so stressed out because of my piano test. i put everything off; my tests, assignements, and anything else, i just added to my "to-do" list. now i have so much to do, its shocking. cramming, and finishing various things. ive let all my stress go and started atcually doing the tasks, but it feels kinda different, i feel calm and studious, knowing im doing all the tests and hwk and getting sth in return. it feels really different looking at it in that perspective, instead of the "so stressed!!!! omg! not going to finish! panic!!!" perspective.

ooh ooh! a short little story.
she looked in the mirror. a few days ago, i didnt exist...but now, ive found myself again. she glanced at the overall image. wow...i actually look okay in this. she wore a thick black coat with jeans, and a tight turtleneck. her pendant swang as she turned. her short hair suited her face and clothes. the pale face looked even more paler then usual, probably because of the cold. hmm...satisfactory... she hitched her bag more comfortably on her shoulder and turned to the leave the room. at least i can stand tall and smirk at that show off.

hah. funny how i came up with that story.

im living again! ive learnt so much. this whole mess was not to teach me lessons, but more to learn things that i didnt know, and to change me. im a new person. im loving my life again! im living life again! to the full.

thank you everyone who helped me. i truly have learnt alot, and you have changed me so much! thank you so much!

hmm...i better have my beauty sleep. need to rise and shine tomorrow.

love kyexx

ramble

haha. firstly. 2 things.
1. im not that nerdy am i? i just wanna finish incase i have to do it tomorrow. and these things take time...
2. my new...er...format of writing seems to have puzzled people.

so im going to explain. whenever i have an urge to write and im sitting in front of a comp, i will write, whether ona doc, or blog, or...basically anything. paper if im bothered. so it was pure coicidence, both times, that i managed to write. i hope it doesnt confuse too many people. and it may not be about me. just random thoughts swirling in my mind...

today i had my nervewracking piano exam. and i got alright. :) rather not say it here. wanna know just ask then.

and now my life is a lot more relaxed ill be writing regularly now. =D

oh oh! i got another idea....storytime.

she sat in front of the computer, not knowing what to do. no she didnt lie. no she didnt betray anyone. no she didnt do anything wrong. yet there was this nagging feeling. she looked into the mirror. sharp and cold. her hair was clasped into a large pink clip at the back, with a cute little comb. change your face. her face suddenly seemed warm and kind. she sighed. some saw her as bright. but she certainly didnt. cold, sharp. black. or the darkest of blues. orange flashing lights. she glanced at the screen.drag, click. scan the meaningless words. a sharp pain stabbed through her. so this was what was nagging her. she had shoved it away countless times. she always thought it was hidden from view. but it always came back, annoying her at the most crucial of times.she sighed. fine. she didnt shove it this time. she thought about her options, crossing out the ones which were impossible, thinking about what was best to do, concluding the whole situation. tears rolled down her cheeks. not misery, or grief. just frustration. she had no choice. why was life so cruel? one day you had too many choices you didnt know what to do, and the next you had none. and the worst of all was that she couldnt say anything to anyone. no, no one knew any of this. well not the full story. she vowed taht she would tell of her story one day. she thought about the past. a young girl full of life, smiles, happiness, brightness. and now a mature, cold, sharp girl, lifeless, frustrated. the young girl had made herself foolish many times. mistakes again and again. and now, it all came down to this. she had changed so much. she couldnt recognise herself. and this was her punishment. silence.

just a little sth. ok. back to being busy. ill type tomorrow or later.

love kyexx

another one

wow im creative tonight.

Sitting in front of her computer. She glances at the time. 10:04. Thoughts run through her mind. There’s a four in the number. It’s an hour til 11. It’s getting late and she really shouldn’t be talking. The button on her taskbar shines orange. She grabs her mouse and drags it to the orange flashing light and clicks on it. Another message. She reads it, squinting her eyes occasionally because of the light colour of the text. She really should have prepared to go to sleep. But she couldn’t keep her eyes of the screen as she types a word document. She didn’t know exactly what to do, but she hoped to receive help, and guidance. A plan slowly forms in her mind. Not a good one. Just a simple sketch. That may not work she automatically thinks. But what else can she do? Her last hope lay in front of her. Correction she thought. Inside her.

love kyexx

quick post

this came into my mind..and im not letting it go...even if it costs me some hardcore exam time.

she sits there in front of the computer, her hands still. shocked. she didnt move. then she flung herself back against the chair, hearing it thud against the thin floorboards and the crack of her bones. oh man, ive screwed up again. she looks around her for another snack that can cheer her up. something hard finds her hands. she looks at it, and her heart breaks. it was the pendant she received for her birthday. a blue and purple pama shell pendant on a sterling silver chain. she had requested it for herself, something she rarely did. i swore to love my family and friends, always. and look how ive screwed up. returning her eyes to the screen, she sees that her friend has said a lot while she was occupied. she read the string of words on the screen, then slumped onto her keyboard. she thought about her situation for a while. this time she wasnt the target. but she had created the target. though this wasnt entirely her fault, it was her initial fault. thinking about what to do she glanced at the screen. dont you worry. tilting her head to the side, she made her decision. telling lies was not a good thing, but sometimes they were necessary.

random post.
kyexx

OUTRAGEOUS!

i came online today to see mel talking to me. and for good reason too.

this is TOTALLY OUTRAGEOUS! usually i wouldnt really care for art...but this is outrageous!
http://yuumei.deviantart.com/journal/31928904/

absolutely complete rubbish!

read it. spread the word.

though i am not as dedicated as some, i amd truly disgusted and so i am 100% against this.

i will blog maybe later. i am atm a little busy.

love kyexx