feelings

i think ive gone mental...like viv said. not because of the reasons she stated...but because im having the oddest mood swings that i have ever seen. i know last year i had terrible mood swings that made my friends worry to bits (i still havent forgiven myself). but this is even worse than before...its like ive gone completely gone mental. the good feelings, happy, enthusiasm, its never in me anymore. i only feel the more darker and more harder to handle moods. sadness and anger are the main two. im surprised that im not crying often. i guess its like numbing pain. sth that i thought floated away ages ago. ill never be the same person after thinking through everything today. after experiencing what it was like to feel someone elses depression, i feel like i cant talk to this about anyone. and i guess i shouldnt. even though i am a mature and serious person, i could laugh and joke and actually go on a little bit of a high. but im not sure that i can do that anymore. it seems that the beautiful sun has gone out of my world...forever.

im glad that the people around me are living lives and are happy. they have got to their feet, even brushed the dirt off, and are walking again. but i feel like i have been pushed into a well. even if i try to climb the walls, i dont think i can.

busy times
kyexx